The Bread Crumb Incident

2016-01-02 17.33.48I made a beautiful couple of loaves of bread the other day, but managed to leave the salt out of them. It was a new recipe from a new book and I skipped a line in a paragraph.  It happens.  I’m just glad that I noticed it before I posted a picture to Facebook asking if anyone wanted a loaf.

Today I decided to make lemonade from the proverbial lemons and turn the bread into seasoned bread crumbs. THE WIFE has some great herb salt that would really make the bread crumbs come out nicely, plus everything would be homemade.  Double bonus! I broke out the food processor and began grinding away. I quickly realized that I had more than enough bread to fill two large cookie sheets while still leaving a good bit of bread for the backyard birds.  As is my custom, I consulted the interwebs to see how to best prep the crumbs – 300 degrees for 20 minutes to dry them out. Easy enough.  I can do that.

But this is THE RETIREE we’re talking about here.

It was all going so well until I decided to rotate the pans.  As I lifted to lower pan I clipped the edge of the shelf (the large cookie sheets are new and are much larger than my old ones), flipping the sheet over, depositing equal amounts of bread crumbs on the floor, and on and around the oven door.

After muttering a string of profanties my meditative mantra I took off for the garage to grab the shop vac. It cleaned up a good bit of the mess on the floor, but I began to smell something burning. It was crumbs in the door, which was still open. Luckily, I have a second, smaller shop vac that has a crevice attachment. I grabbed MINIVAC and cleaned everything up. All told, I lost about 60-70% of the crumbs as the pan I flipped had more on it than the other one, but that’s probably okay as it was A LOT of breadcrumbs.

When I took the shop vac back out to the garage I decided to empty it out. I didn’t need bread crumbs molding inside the vacuum. I loosened the lid on the vac and saw that it was quite full.  Apparently I hadn’t emptied it in a good while, so I dumped it over into a trash can and…. unleashed a huge cloud of dust, filling the shop. Oh yeah… last year when we had a neighborhood cat bless us with a litter of kittens in the basement, she also brought us a flea infestation, which I treated with diatomaceous earth. If you’re not familiar, it’s powdered silica and is similar in consistency to flour, except that it dries out most anything it touches.

So now I’m dusty, dry-skinned, and rather annoyed. So what to do at this point? I figured I might as well go all in, so I grabbed the blower attachment, turned on the air compressor, and blew all of the dust out of the shop vac filter.  I’ll leave it to you to figure out where that ended up.

I put everything away (after blowing some of the dust off of myself), walked back into the house, and sat down to write this post.

It’s days like today that I think about posting my resume to job sites.



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